I want kids. Really, I do. I'm excited to have my own children and some days I feel like I can't wait to be helping them with their homework and telling them to clean their rooms while I prepare dinner and we all can eat together as a family. I really really really want that day to come. But honestly I don't see it happening for a good 10 years. And I'm perfectly okay with that.
I don't plan on having a baby until 2013. That's the new plan anyway. I know we have to be in this apartment until December 2012. There is absolutely no room for another person here. Even a little person. There is the possibility of upgrading to a 3 bedroom but quite frankly I don't want to move again until we move into OUR house. A house that we can buy and stay in for a very long time. A house that we can raise our family in. Plus, in 2013 my car will be paid off, we should be much more financially stable and mentally ready to be parents.
That's another thing... I don't really think I'm mentally ready to have kids. I mean, I know I could do it now but I really still feel like a kid myself. And I know, everybody says they still feel like they're 17 but my husband and I both still act like kids. I think a part of it for me - the part where I don't really feel independent, like I can do anything without my parents - is that I never really left home. I still see my parents almost every day since I work for them. I still call my mom for everything. I still have boxes that I packed a week before I got married. I can't seem to leave my childhood behind. And that scares the crap out of me when I think about having kids of my own.
Now, the reason this has been on my mind constantly lately and why it's stressing me out... I seem to be the ONLY PERSON I know that feels this way. That wants to wait to have kids. I'll have been married 4 years when I finally get pregnant. I do believe that it's good to have time to ourselves to build our relationship and make it really strong before we bring someone else into our little family. But everyone I know that is married either has kids or is trying to have kids. Even the single people talk about having kids as soon as they are married! So honestly they will probably have kids before me. And I beat most of these people at getting married... It just infuriates me and I don't know why. I'm starting to hear a lot of "when are you going to have kids?", " are you pregnant yet?" OMG NO. Seriously. Give me a break here. I'm only 21! UGH.
Now, don't get me wrong... I love all my friend's kids and all babies in general. I just wonder if I'm some kind of freak around here because I'm the only person not ready to have kids yet. I could ramble on this for hours. I really could. But I've probably already bored you to death so I'll stop here.
Still getting used to having the blog, will try to post more often...
